Tag Archives: transgender

29. Rethinking Normal, by Katie Rain Hill

7 Jul

Screen Shot 2016-07-06 at 9.23.14 PM

The random books on my to-read shelf that I’m now being forced to read by the 20 Books of Summer Challenge turn out to be amazing! I should trust myself (or maybe not trust myself?) more often. Rethinking Normal by Katie Rain Hill was a book I received free at a charity event, in a bag with at least three other transgender memoirs and a lot of teen LGBTQ fiction. I’m not that into teen fiction. I tried a couple of the books from that haul and disliked them, and this one has been unexamined on the shelf ever since. I probably would have eventually given it away, and I’m so glad I didn’t.

Katie Rain Hill was the first openly transgender teen to graduate from high school in Oklahoma. She became a media star whose arc I now vaguely remember, since she had a transgender boyfriend, and the headline “transgender girl dates transgender boy” was of course irresistable. In Rethinking Normal she tells her story, from her happy pre-gender early childhood, through her increasing feelings of dysphoria, depression and despair—over a problem for which she had no name in the early 2000s—to finally her blissful discovery of transgenderism and eventual transition from male to female. There’s such a compelling natural arc to this material, and Hill and her co-author made a true page-turner out of it. Katie comes across as a reasonable, rational and generous narrator, who forgives people who shun her (when they come around), and credits even estranged family members for their best efforts. She’s likeable, and watching her become happy and healthy was really satisfying.

As a mother, I cried at the part where Luke (Katie’s pre-transition name) finally discovered transgenderism on the internet, and immediately went to get his mom to explain to her that this was what his problem was, and this was what he’d been wanting. The mother, poor woman, had been witless with helplessness and fear for years, unable to help her depressed, suicidal small child. (His first suicide attempt was at 8.) His mom was a religious woman in a conservative mileau, and had no affinity for trans issues but she (miraculously!) said, “Ok, if this will help, tell me what to do and I’ll do it. I’ll do anything to keep you alive. Make a list.” She admitted later she expected someone to firebomb their house, but she supported him anyway. As a mother, I completely understand that.

I also found this story uplifting for personal reasons. It was great to read a trans story that brought me back to the roots of why I think freedom of gender expression should be a human right. There are lots of people, like Katie, for whom the current categories really don’t fit well. Why shouldn’t it be up to her, or her family, to decide on her own identity? Making little kids like Katie less totally fucking miserable is a worthy goal in a humane society. To me, it’s worth some inconvenience to the majority.  I know trans activists think the bathroom issue is nonsense, but as a woman in her 40s, who has been at the receiving end of about 30 years of creepy behavior by men (not all men, but they’re out there, you know?), breaking down the gender wall in places like locker rooms and bathrooms is sort of a problem. And I don’t think it makes me a bigot to say so, though from the vituperation by trans activists, you’d think any reasonable woman who had her doubts was Satan incarnate. The bathroom issue is inconvenient. It will create scary situations for women. To deny that is ridiculous. I would find the activism a lot more compelling if people would just admit it, and say, “Let’s do it anyway, for kids like Katie.” Her story reminded me of that, for which I was grateful.

I could go on. I also am genuinely freaked out by all the people taking drugs and getting these surgeries because transgenderism is now trendy and considered to be radical…the types who think being trans is undermining the system, and who don’t compute that they’re directly enriching the drug companies, and are signing up to do that forever. The Man is laughing about that one all the way to the bank. But again, Rethinking Normal reminded me that being trans is a matter of life and death for some people, and they’re the ones who matter, not the politics, not the drug companies. Great book.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tags: , , ,

16. Redefining Realness by Janet Mock

21 Apr

Redefining Realness by Janet Mock

Janet Mock is a transgender woman who began her transition in high school and lived as a woman in New York City in her 20s, working media jobs. This is her memoir, and it’s a fascinating story, especially since it cleverly starts with Mock revealing her gender identity to her straight-man boyfriend, whose response the reader eagerly awaits for the next 300 pages.

Everyone’s lurid questions swirl around these issues—How would a straight man feel to discover he’d been sleeping with a former man?  Did Mock have an obligation to disclose? Can a transwoman really pass that effectively? And while the eventual answers are interesting, Mock’s story is much more than that, and she knows it, and uses the hot topics only as a frame.

Mock is half black, half Hawaiian and grew up in poverty bouncing between residences with a grandmother, a neglectful mother, a crack-addicted father and a cast of siblings, half-siblings and de facto step-siblings. She was sexually abused as a child, though she says her gender nonconformity came first. She makes a compelling case that contrary to the stereotype (that abuse causes gender dysphoria) the abuse was the result of her gender, since the abuser sensed she’d keep silent because of her difference.

Despite the obvious flaws of her family, Mock drew on their positive qualities, loved them, and used them for the support they were able to offer. Her gentle treatment of them shows true kindness of spirit. And, in a way, the multiple homes and not-so-benign neglect allowed her to take the reins with her gender in ways that a more policed young person would never have managed. (For example, she started taking off-label hormones and growing breasts in high school… and her mother didn’t notice.)

It’s a page-turner, and a great story.

The book and the generally excellent writing suffer, however, from the sense that Mock is trying to win a cultural argument for trans people through framing her life in the right way. She tends to spell out the political lessons of her experiences. Passages like the following are encrusted with lingo and feel like dogma 101:

The stories of my early expressions of femininity echo many people’s lived experiences with exploring, experimenting, and expressing gender. I’ve read and heard stories of trans people from all walks of life who remember playfully exhibiting their preferred gender behaviors and roles at age three or four without anyone’s prompting. …the majority were discouraged from experimenting outside their prescribed gender roles and behaviors. This contributes greatly to self image… Most cis people rarely question their gender identity…. This makes it difficult for the majority of people—including parents of trans youth and those close to trans people—to grasp the varied identities, needs, and determinations of trans people.

What’s the difference between a “lived experience” and an “experience”? What does “determination” mean in this context? Do we really know how parental discouragement of gender non-conforming behavior affects self-image, or is this a party line, a truism that everyone accepts because it seems to make sense? And “most cis people rarely question their gender identity”…. uhhhm, that’s probably not true, especially in childhood, whether you end up cis or end up trans. Most of this passage probably is accurate enough as common sense, but it has a false science-y quality that I object to.

I suppose the point is that the book is Dogma 101, Mock is quite specifically writing the book as a work of advocacy, using herself as an example to teach a general readership about trans issues.

The most interesting part of that to me was that as an advocate she struggles with the desire to pass as a woman (be a woman), as has been her deepest urge since childhood, verses the rising tide of calls to stand with her sister trans-women, which involves a fair amount of not-passing. It’s a conundrum and Mock doesn’t have the answers, but she has obviously responded to calls for her help with the same kind of generosity she has shown in other parts of her story. I admire her for it.

 

 

 

 

Tags: , , ,